The Art of Saying No
“One key to successful relationships is learning to say no without guilt so that you can say yes without resentment.” -Bill Crawford
Have you ever felt alone in the middle of all the chaos around you that you have no choice but to endure the pain caused by the messed up understanding and circumstances?
Behind Luna's Self Invalidation
Being a Luna moon, alone in the middle of darkness surrounded by thousands of stars is hard. Raised as a different celestial being surrounding the earth, the only light if the stars are dimmed under the clouds and are there to give comfort to everyone's lives. Comparison is expected, living a life like an earth-moon without living a choice but to have patience as it drains you, day by day.
As my parents raised me, they always taught me many things even my educators are impressed as I excelled in all the things they educate me. Being a child before, I am happy as I don't understand the truth of life the same as all of us. As we grow up, things are getting out of hand and all my life I wished they teach me how to choose myself without feeling guilty or invalidating my feelings.
How we wish that we're not just a moon, being appreciated if things are complicated and not dragging us into complicated situations for us to comfort them. Not calling us just to guide them and help them to get out of chaos and putting us instead. Am I the only one who can't say no? Invalidating myself just to satisfy their expectations and give all of myself to not be a disappointment?
Is self invalidation a nature of us? We have different explanations as to why are choosing to keep helping others even though it drains us but for me, it's because of everyone's expectations that might lead to disappointment if I refuse them.
Perks of Learning How to say No
Learning the art of saying no, is a stepping stone toward the success of self-love. I am not saying that this is selfishness but being taken for granted is something that we shouldn't get used to experiencing always.
Being able to say no makes us value our time, some responsibilities are held for us and it makes us feel exhausted in many ways. Saying no gives us time to rest and removes us from negativity like from people or dilemmas. You should know that your time is valuable and saying yes to something you didn't want to do are weakening your self-control. Remember that time is gold and if you keep wasting your time agreeing with something you didn't want to do will just waste a lot of gold, imagine that?
Saying yes to everyone even if against your will, makes you poor? Like a moon, in a phase where they value their time cause even though everyone adores a full moon, the moon didn't force it to be full in a fast-paced. We should be like a moon, value our time and didn't let anyone control our phases.
Being able to say no will make you more authentic in everyone's eyes, even to yourself. Not agreeing with people is very hard for us as we are afraid that they might get mad so we always fake our answers but being able to say what our true decisions make us genuine and honest.
As the moon shows its transparent and luminous beauty with the pure intention of feeling safe in its light we should be like a moon, letting them show our authenticity so people would give us genuine interest and thoughts as well as ourselves also.
Saying no and deciding to based on what is more significant to you will make you finish your important businesses. It will enable you to work on what is more important to you and you're workload will be finished by prioritizing yourself over others' requests.
As the moon moves around the planets letting the moon's responsibility come first before doing things for other celestial beings like also giving light to another cosmos, we should be like the moon. Be like a moon in a way that prioritises our obligations and workload, not accept a plea from others even though you're against it.
By learning how to say no, you won't think about others' judgements and opinions. As you felt brave at doing it, you will build strong confidence to face everyone's judgement and won't need to please others. By being confident and honest to everyone or even to you, everyone would feel safe around you as they know you are genuine and honest.
Others always compare the light sun and moon gives to our world but even though the sun overlights the moon through daytime, the moon is still confident about the luminous light and transparent structure which we can see in the nighttime. It still shines and is lovely at night that everyone adored it to look at, being genuine about the intention of giving light to the dark sides of every corner. Be like a moon, giving genuine self and confidence to others' eyes.
Every time you say no, you’re saying yes to something else. No implies freeing up your time and choosing your worth as a person. Yes, we are raised to be nice people and being kind is one of the aspects of why people say yes to everything but loving yourself and making yourself happy comes from making decisions by yourself without feeling guilty.
As people accept your rejection of their request and they didn't get mad then you will know who truly validates you and that would bring you true happiness.
Reasons Why People can't Say No
The uncomfortable feeling of saying no gives us no choice but to endure the consequences of saying yes even in the wrong way. We would hurt inside without saying anything, alone in our darkness without anyone besides us. Is saying yes every time worth it?
Why do we do this? We are anxious to say no, to let people down and eventually, to avoid conflict. The anxiety of saying no frequently makes us say yes automatically. And one of the reasons why we also do this is because we are a people-pleaser.
Signs you are a people-pleaser
- You pretend to agree with everyone
- You feel responsible for how other people feel.
- You apologize often.
- You feel burdened by the things you have to do.
- You can't say no.
- You feel uncomfortable when someone is angry at you.
- You act like the people around you.
- You need praise to feel good.
- You go to great lengths to avoid conflict.
- You don't admit when your feelings are hurt.
Ways on How to Say No
According to emilypost here are ways to refuse or say no considerably and respectfully.
- Think before you respond - don't answer immediately and think about your priorities first before refusing the offer.
- Accentuate the positive - appreciate the opportunity and still say no.
- Give a reason when possible—not a fabrication - your reasons should be real cause lies will always come back to you.
- Be straightforward about the future - Tell your reason and then stop talking.
- Listen to their response - listen to them and don't make them feel that you didn't understand them.
- Stand your ground - don't go overboard.
- Be honest and refuse if you want to, think about yourself and don't invalidate your feelings. (Not in the article but here's my advice)
We don't have to endure anything if we are already tired, say no if you don't like it. Like a moon, we're in a phase where we are also draining until we get to no moon phase where we need to rest until we get back and become full again.
As the moon illuminated the night sky, a responsibility to guide ones who didn't know which path to decide. This is one of the pieces of guidance for you to give yourself validation and love. We may be in the middle of chaos and they may give us a request or demand, but we're still living things in this world. Instead of doing what they want you to do, teach them how to do it or help them in a way that they would learn.
We're a moon in the middle of darkness, giving light to those who didn't know what to do in circumstances.
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